I think it was 10 August 2010, I can't remember if my first lecture was 9 am or 10 am. But there I was, alighting from 188 at the Engineering EA bus stop. I then proceeded to climb up 4 stories, you know, that flight of staircases with no rails in the centre of the E1A building. I was slightly late I think. Then I burst into LT2 (or was it LT1?) lecture theatre. I remembered I was quite lost trying to find it. But there I was, entering the LT about 5 to 10 minutes late. The lecture had already started, and it was CS1010E. I knew no one in NUS and it was kind of terrible I was alone. So I sat down at the front right corner of the LT, and this continued until tutorials started. I barely knew anyone in NUS. The most I could do was really to find my old secondary school, JC, or NS friends. But they too had found people to hang around with by that time.

I think I was a silly decision not to attend Oweek. I paid for the camp, but ditched it last minute. Back then I totally didn't like the idea of camping overnight and hanging out with people I didn't know. It was like I had to put in a lot of effort to get to know others. And there was always the fear that I won't be able to fit in with my OG, that I wouldn't feel comfortable enough with them. I chose to stay at home and play Starcraft 2 instead. Yeah, that was the time when SC2 just got released and I was pretty crazy over it, trying to get really good at the game and stuff...

Today though, marks the end of my NUS life. Looking back, yes, there were long periods of me not doing anything productive or good. Perhaps, I eventually found plenty of close friends, friends for life. And I was just starting to get comfortable mixing around with the people who were my coursemates. Well sadly, just as I was starting to get really comfortable with everyone, 4 years on, everything has to end. And it's on to the next phase of life I go. Bittersweet? Definitely. I wish I had more time to interact with everyone and get to know them more intimately. Perhaps in my next phase of life I'll do that, and not making the mistake of confining myself to a tiny group of people.

I think the biggest thing I've learnt in these four years is really self-development. I learnt so much more about myself, and how to handle situations than anything else. Even more than all the Chemical Engineering knowledge. Do I regret not joining more stuff in NUS? Yes, but then I was really uncomfortable with trying to get to know new people. I hate the uncomfortable silence that I'm left alone most of the time. Perhaps I'm more in touch and confident with myself now, these four years have definitely taught me that. But it's still so easy to regress and go back into the shell, into the comfort zone which I am content on staying. But the regrets only come later.

I need to do more, learn more, and really, improve on myself much much more. These four years I've progressed, but only with baby steps. I'm still a greenhorn when it comes to interacting with people.

Thank you Lord for always being here for me all these while in my NUS journey. Thank you for your irresistible grace that has brought me back to You. Father, I pray that I'll continue to walk closer to You in faith, and as I develop and do more, and learn more.

Labels: Life

|| posted by Kuan Hui