Today I just got a taste of what a grieving heart meant. I was with MW, so the conversation drifted towards Christianity. I slowly explained things as it were to her. All the while getting made fun of and trying to explain any perceived inconsistencies. Ultimately, it was a really saddening experience to hear her tell me "Can you not pray for me?" For someone I truly love, as my best friend in university who has gone through so many things together, it was really painful to hear those sentences, even more painful than the attacks on what I believe in, the truth about the world as it stands. To look upon a dear one and knowing that she cannot be saved, and separation and pain be for eternity, I don't know what more can be worse than this. To think our Lord experienced so much more than this, and is still experiencing it. What a burden to bear.

Reflecting on my words and actions of the past few days, perhaps it's God working in me that I realised it was wrong for me to get angry with MW yesterday, over grad photoshoot matters. No matter how things went badly on her side, it still isn't a reason for me to get angry over. Being patient was better.

I also reflect on saying silly words to people. Words that add no significant value but make people more stressed instead. These are words that should not be said, and I need to hold my tongue and think through more deeply next time before I lash out or say something just because I feel (in the heat of the moment) that it should be said. Sorry A.

I pray that I can be a better person in conduct, and in knowledge, and in faith. There's still so much to know, and it is gravely wrong for me to think that I already know a lot. || posted by Kuan Hui