"The earth, O Lord, is full of thy mercy: teach me thy statutes." (Psalm 119:64)

It's been about six months since that has happened. In retrospect, what had happened was a journey of maturity, in terms of wisdom, and in terms of seeking God. How different things would be if I did not meet K. I wouldn't have gone back to God. I wouldn't have matured in my wisdom. I would have handled difficult emotional situations even worse. These past six months have taught me a lot. And my life has changed plenty since these six months, mostly, I believe, for good, although some bad (like not exercising). I believe it was God who placed her in my life for a reason. To bring me back to Him, firstly though introducing me back to church. Although I knew at that time I was supposed to go to church because I love God, part of me at that time went back because K urged me to go back, and I didn't want to disappoint her. After we stopped hanging out, those tough times drove me to Him as well, knowing that He is the source of comfort in this life.

As to handling my emotions better. Well, the events these past six months have made me more sensitive to being hurt. I certainly did not want to feel the pain of rejection, or of the lack of acknowledgement from the people whom I am close with. But these events, too, are learning experiences on how to protect my heart, yet at the same time embracing the full spectrum of feelings and emotions that I am subject too. Can I handle my emotions better now? I like to think yes, but only time will tell.

Six months on, my heart is more or less healed from the heartbreak. Will K remain special to me all my life? I believe so, but perhaps these feelings have changed into one of a special kind of friendship, and I would love to keep it that way.

Six months on, perhaps I am finally ready to move on. Perhaps not, because the pain of rejection still feels a little raw. But either way, God's time will show the way, I have to be patient. More patient for His perfect timing. || posted by Kuan Hui