The week has nearly come to a close (yes I know it is Monday, but I haven't gone to sleep yet so my week isn't entirely over), and what a weekend it has been. Saturday's pre-incubator session was yet another good one. The weekly organisation skills taught are really effective tools for organising your thoughts and ideas, regardless of whether it is a start-up, a tiny project, or even in your own personal life. But beyond that, this third week that I am in this course has really shown me how much of a greenhorn I am to the working world. It has exposed my lack of depth in my thoughts, and also how the train of thought that is running through my head during conversations or presentations isn't effective in drawing out the essence of what is important. Basically, I am an inexperienced thinker. It is an exposure to people who are more experienced, and have minds that are trained to think effectively and in a brilliant manner. Nonetheless, it has been a good time of observing and learning many things which I can better focus my thoughts on.

The coaching session with Rudi was also a good one. Rudi was kind enough to stay on for two hours to discuss even though the official time he had was one hour. Incidentally, I have a bag of assorted nuts which he bought and forgot to take back. Gotta return it to him this week. He offered one really great insight that offered a way to effectively distill my thoughts into words that can be expressed, and in doing so, allow me to better communicate my feelings, and my comfort and commitment level to anything that I am working on. It was a very simple statement, "Think about your values in relation to what you are doing." And it is true, our values govern us and how strongly we would want to do any particular thing. Understanding our values becomes a key to opening our feelings and our motivations. Yes, there is something called responsibility, but that too, is a personal value. In so saying, knowing our values will lead us to knowing how we feel about a particular task, and how much effort we would put into working on that task. It was something I needed to sit down, have some quiet time with myself, and evaluate what I would prefer to do in my life, that would make it more fulfilling.

Another thought also went through my head in the course of the weekend: Pain (or discomfort) as a means for personal growth. Looking back in the year, as I have already written in numerous posts, I see myself really different in thinking and in living out my life as compared to last year. There was a whole deal of pain involved in my learning process through these few months. To put it in engineering terms, I was akin to a ball falling into a bowl and trying to find an equilibrium, and in the process, swinging from one end of the bowl to the other, and back again. It was a painful process of learning. When I stepped in to the pre-incubator for the third time, I was uncomfortable. The other participants were daunting. They had portfolios and accomplishments so good, that I am a nobody in comparison. Sure, it is not good to compare, but when you have nothing much to offer to them, it seems just a tad bit wrong to be there and sponging off their knowledge without giving anything in return. But I digress, this discomfort is something that I should brace myself for, in order to learn and grow, as much as I heavily dislike being a newbie (in games, or the first day at work, or the first day in school, etc). I should continue to embrace this discomfort, but this time, with the expectation to expect it, in order to grow.

Church was a relatively good affair this week. (How could church not be good?) The choir presentation ended up being subdued, which was really quite disappointing because as much as I would try to sing louder, I have to match the voice level of the rest of the group. It really could have been better considering we had close to 10 practices for it. But then again some of them were not feeling well so I guess, we should do better next time. Nerizza shared quite a few things today as well, and that unveiled a side of her which I hadn't yet seen. It was a reminder as well, that I should empathise, and really put myself in the shoes of others in things big and small alike, before speaking or assuming or judging them. It is being a good listener. James 1:19 mentions this: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath". Another timely reminder for me again, no doubt. Sharing with preacher's wife is always good. It always feels great to share my thoughts and feelings with her and get her to laugh alongside me. It's a real comfort to be able to share my feelings so openly, and not even to ask for any form of advice, but to ease my worries and burdens.

The takeaways this week are plenty: I have to listen more, speak slower, and put myself in others' shoes. I will need to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit, of meekness and longsuffering, to be tactful instead of brash, to be firm with my values yet polite and considerate, to be impartial, yet kind. I will need to not shy away from uncomfortable situations, and take them as learning opportunities. Many of these are not alien to me, I have encountered them before. But there is still so much I can develop in these aspects that there is really no time to be proud of where I currently stand.

Another week beckons, with my worries and cares carried forward. But there is still so much to learn, so much to develop, so much to change for the better. || posted by Kuan Hui