A week on, and I am feeling the need for a break, a day off where I can just not focus on my job search. To be fair, I haven't done much besides reading up on things, emailing people, and having the occasional meetup. But boy are things emotionally tiring as I am stepping way out of my comfort zone and pushing myself to do things which I wouldn't have done. That being said, I hope to see something tangible come out of all these efforts I have done so far, and hopefully soon, if God is willing.

This morning I got a LinkedIn message from one of the contacts I got. She was surprisingly unfriendly and that caught me off guard. For one, she berated me for replying her 'days late', although to be fair it was just slightly past one day before I replied, and well, in a way, it was my fault that I did not realise that I could actually reply first on LinkedIn the moment the two of us are in the same chat. It was still unexpected and I did not like the way things played out. I asked a few questions about consulting, seeking her opinion on things, but apparently this was taken to be that I have not done 'my homework' and I shouldn't be asking these questions. Once again it was an unexpected reply as I honestly still feel that the questions that I have asked, although they weren't the best questions, were still valid nonetheless. And besides, that was the reason why I was approaching her; I was actively doing my homework. Unfortunately things were a little unfriendly so I believe I should not bother with her any more, so I sent her a thank you message and quickly disengaged from that conversation.

Thinking deeper though, why am I affected by situations of conflict, such as the above situation? For one, I think I expected a much more friendly, if not neutral reply, rather than one which attempted to invalidate all the efforts that I've put in thus far, and also cast me in a bad light that I am an irresponsible and rude person who 'did not do his homework' and responds late to people. Which led me to think, even fleetingly, perhaps consulting isn't that meant for me if I cannot even as much handle a simple conversation well. But remembering what Pastor Lek mentioned last night, about not being so caught up about others' opinions, but just to trust in the Lord, as He is greater than everyone else, and if I am meant to go down that path then He will surely provide. In essence, I should not place so much weight on others opinions, yes I should seek them to understand different perspectives, but I should not internalise such opinions and make them mine, even if I am inclined to do so because these opinions come from really experienced people who have 'made it' in life. If anything, I should internalise God's word, because He is truly the one who is infinitely more impressive than every other human being, and I need not let other humans' words affect me so deeply internally. || posted by Kuan Hui