I have plenty of things to be thankful of today. Yesterday I was just mulling how I am in quite a pinch for not having any money in the bank. I did not want to ask my parents for money, and I definitely did not want to touch my childhood bank account. But God is gracious and merciful, I've finally claimed back my money from Avelife, found a stash of angpaos I forgot to bank in in my drawer, and today I have been given $200 from my church out of goodwill. This places me in very good stead as I can last a few more months if needed at this stage. Thank God, truly I do not have to worry about my finances (in a way), because God provides a way out every time, without fail.

I also had the opportunity today to do 'tracting' work for my church. Basically we just went out to distribute tracts in an attempt for outreach for the church, and it was an eye-opening experience for me. There is simply so much going on just by giving out a simple tract to a stranger on the street. For one, it is an emotional dance. When people accept the tracts, they are really boosting your confidence and emotional strength to give out more tracts. Rejection works the opposite way: every time someone rejects the tract, it is a dampener to your confidence, and with each consecutive rejection, smiling becomes harder. It really is akin to tapping into your emotional bank account, where transactions are made with every human interaction and contact.

The reactions of the people were very interesting too, and deserved many deep thoughts. Just from the surface, it was an active observation of people from all walks of life: the height, the weight, the haircut, the dressing, the age, the gender, the face, accessories. So many things make the external man, but the breath is still given by God. Amazing is the variety of people, just stopping to think about it, in a small selection of Singapore, that God has wonderfully created, each with life and breath that is God-breathed. And really to go deeper, how everyone interacted, whether they said "thank you", or smiled, or waved a polite no, or plain out ignored or avoided you, told a different story every time. Nonetheless, it was a good 45-minutes spent out there, on the ground, to just do God's work and learn more about people. Certainly it seemed like a pseudo-sales job: not easy at all, and requires plenty of emotional strength. For me, it was at the back of my head, a motivation that I am doing God's work that pushed me on for sure.

Coaching session with Rudi and SY was plenty good as well. Today's session involved a lot more deep topics and thinking, essentially about human behaviour and the assumptions that we take. It brought me back to thinking about my weaknesses. Essentially I can be so people-pleasing, or at least I might be so enamoured with the idea of acknowledgement from people that I tend to say 'Yes' too easily. Well this explains why he was so impressed with me when I said no to Cogent. He probably could tell it was my weakness and I was facing it and I won out in that instance. So the takeaway was this, what about saying 'Yes' to myself? What about taking care of myself? It's about identifying my own values relative to myself, and staying focused and true to them, as A would put it.

So I thank the Lord for His boundless mercies, for every dawn, for every dusk, for every deep and quiet mornings that allow me to sit down and be introspective. And I pray and ask for ever-growing faith, that I may walk in His footsteps and rest in His shadow in my worldly journey. || posted by Kuan Hui