My mind is so laden with thoughts that I want to express that it has become a mess in there as these thoughts fade in and out of my consciousness. So I think I shall write down one of the thoughts that has been pestering me to be set free since a few days ago.

I have perhaps come to the realisation that I am more honest and open about matters to myself. Emotions that cause me shame and disappointment internally once I realise (through a more rational train of thought) that my thoughts and actions have not been too right, are emotions that I tend to dismiss in the past. I would play down the significance of such emotions, believing that experiencing such things will never happen to me, and that I am capable and rational enough to not succumb to such pitfalls.

"Nah, this can't happen to me."
"I know better."
"It's not as bad as it seems."

At the end of the day, I'm still mortal, and equally susceptible to emotions and thoughts that are not very right or healthy. In recent times, I would like to say that has changed, and I am now willing to face these uncomfortable emotions head on, identifying the source of these unhealthy emotions, and tackling them by prayer and conscious effort. It has become more comforting knowing that I am actively trying to improve myself and staunch any form of thinking that might lead to unwise behaviour. Having said that though, I expect it to be a life-long struggle of mine to continually correct my own faults by facing them head on for what it is, and to not diminish the negative impacts of such faults. Why is it a life-long struggle? That has been one of the other latent thoughts that has been brewing in my mind, but I shall leave it for another day to write as I further crystallise that particular thought. || posted by Kuan Hui