Where does the line between feelings and practicality start to get drawn? At what point does a friendship transform itself into something more? One week down, and things change ever so much, much more than I would expect. Two weeks ago now seems like a distant point far off in my memory, given all the things that have flowed through my mind. What is it to readjust my expectations to things? How do I let go of a hope for a future that I have envisioned? How do I accept reality as it is? As always, the future draws a complete blank and it becomes so counter-intuitive for me not to try to imagine a better future. Heavenly Father, how do I increase my faith in You, even as I toss and turn in my bed, and struggle to reconcile imagination with reality?

Truth be told, I rather not endure this kind of pain again, not so soon. It is an awful, weary feeling that seems come back at many points of the day. My thoughts are incoherent and my words are in a mess as I type this. It really is more of a cathartic release of emotions than anything else. My God, my God, if You are willing, please bring relief to this storm in my heart, and heal me my pain and discomfort. || posted by Kuan Hui