Youth Camp's over! And it's been as edifying as it has been tiring. On the planning and running of the camp, perhaps there were quite a few things left for improvement, and I am still a little disappointed at myself for not being able to have done better in planning for the camp. But I'll collect my thoughts over the next few days and do an AAR on my performance in running the Youth Camp.

The topic of the Youth Camp, "What does the Lord require of you?", has been really apt for someone like me, preparing for my work. And I feel like the biggest takeaway was that even at the end of the camp, when I received that rejection email from Rolls-Royce, I was still feeling so extremely disappointed. Putting to application the messages of the camp, and understanding it are two different worlds. Maybe I was really tired from running the whole camp and getting the children to behave themselves, maybe it was the 'jetlag' I experienced from sleeping and waking up earlier, but the disappointment this time from getting the rejection email was the biggest thus far. Every job offer that I have been rejected has become increasingly painful and draining as of late. Surely this echos my desire to wanting to start work, especially after my mother got very angry on Sunday over the switching of my insurance policy to my cousin's plan, and started calling me out for not working and effectively being useless at home. But beyond that, it shows how I have so little faith in the God I profess to follow and to love. For one, it is my abhorrence to wanting to go back and work under David Leong as a researcher in university, even though my Pastor has been encouraging me to go back there. To me, I don't like research work, I don't like going back to academia, and I don't like the lack of prestige that comes from it. And these have overshadowed my faith in God that I should just apply back there and see how it turns out. Especially since the entire camp theme revolves around the question, "What does God want in my life?"

Have I not put enough faith and trust in my Almighty Father? Have I not the trust to believe that He already intimately knows all my worries and troubles, even those of prestige, future, and my preferences? Have I not understood enough that He loves me and wants to bless me and leave me with the best that He has already provided?

I need to do some serious self-examination on my priorities. If I proclaim to put God first in His life, and not even show it in trusting Him with my job applications, then am I not a huge hypocrite and liar?

I must call Dalton up tomorrow and ask, no more excuses. || posted by Kuan Hui