It's Chinese New Year, and three days since I've started work.

Is there a culture shock where I am? I'd definitely say yes. My experiences in MINDEF and GSK were markedly different from what I am experiencing now, and the jarring difference between what I expect and what reality is have come as a huge source of discomfort for me. Am I in a stage of transition? Definitely. Having said that though, I posed this question to my mum, "Am I feeling uncomfortable because I've sat for too long at home? Or is it because the environment really isn't suited for me?" Mum says it's definitely both. As much as I want to attribute my discomfort to this period of transition, I cannot ignore the fact that the environment isn't perhaps too suited for me, as much as I am unwilling to admit it for fears that it will demoralise me.

I've also received a final interview from GSK. That came really unexpectedly and I almost declined the offer from there. But coming home tonight, and speaking to mum, as well as my older cousins in their forties, all of them encouraged me to go for it. Mum thinks that GSK is way better than Accenture, and it's always good to keep my options open. Jason thinks that I should follow my gut feeling, and if I'm willing to take a pay cut for now, the experience at GSK will be much better than at Accenture. He also thinks that he would have taken GSK if I were him, even with his management consulting experience. KH (not me) was sharing about his stories as a doctor going to different clinics, sharing how it was really important to keep close to God and walk righteously in Him. His stories about how God opened all the doors in his life was inspiring. Ultimately he reminded me that I am accountable to God, and that we should always please God first and not humans, and that GSK might not be necessarily better than where I am now, simply because I can never know what to expect there. The funny thing is always this, it takes someone else to tell me the things I already know to internalise them. Voices of reason around me have helped me stay grounded, even though I already know these reasons and I have thought about it. The human heart really is stubborn and refuses to budge and accept reality until a shakedown from somewhere else occurs.

I shall be going for the interview. Do I hope for a favourable result? I can't say no. But I will need to exercise prudence to the maximum, and keep myself wholly grounded in my expectations. Ultimately it is God who opens and closes the doors in my life, and no matter how much I might plan and scheme, if it is not His will or purpose then things won't happen. So Kuan Hui, manage your expectations, I know you are an individual who has a billion crazy ideas in your head, and your imagination always speeds ahead of you, covering all the best possibilities and building castles in the sky, but tame this wild imagination, and it will be a powerful asset. Stay strong and be prepared to remain in Accenture for a while, if that is what God wants. He will never fail you, and in time, the beauty of His plans will be unveiled.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6) || posted by Kuan Hui