A year ago I wrote about my anxieties and concerns at the turn of the year. They were heart topics: of love, family, and attitudes of tenderness, and they were also about my job search. A year on, these concerns of my heart have not diminished. In many ways, they are still wants which I grasp for almost greedily. A year is 365 days of sleeping and awaking, 365 times the Lord has brought the earth to spin at its usual rate so the sun rises upon my face, and in each day, the Lord has been blessing me and sustaining me. A few days ago I wrote about my struggles and my wants, and He has very graciously brought me to stumble upon a blog as I searched for the meaning of the line "Heart of my own heart" in the hymn "Be Thou My Vision". In that blog, a young lady has written and expressed herself very clearly the ails of my heart, and the sins that have led to these ailments. It was a fresh, god-sent, and timely message which made me understand what was wrong with my thinking. In the blog's terms, I had desired too deeply for "emotional lust", that is to say, to satisfy my emotional needs, I am demanding of others' attention at their expense. It was most certainly selfish. So I sat there pondering, how should I be as a Christian? God certainly spared no time to reveal to me the answer through the question, "What is the chief end of man?". That I knew the answer: "To glorify God." It all came together then, if my main purpose in life is to glorify our wonderful God, shouldn't that take first place in our thoughts and actions? That means to love and care for my friends and family, to be a good example at work, to be diligent, humble, and patient. That calmed the storm in my heart which has been raging for some time. The storm may yet return, but perhaps, this emotional neediness of mine, which God has placed upon me is perhaps something that keeps me from being complacent, and teaches me to keep close to Him.

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The Lord knew my want for a new pair of jeans, Levis to be exact, and He has graciously provided me with two pairs in a "buy one get one free" offer. My old jeans are wearing out, and God has allowed me to get new pairs at cheaper prices. Truly, my God is a God who looks to the minutest of details in my life, and provides for what I need and want. Surely, He is my eternal shepherd. So as I was heading to get my jeans, I took a rare bus ride up the BKE. The thing about BKE is its beauty. Unlike the PIE, which has sparse trees and lots of buildings along the way (been taking too many cab rides to church), the BKE has thick foilage: trees which have grown much higher and denser. It has been the most comforting feeling as the taxi filters from PIE to BKE and the scenery changes to beautiful foilage with so many species of trees and plants. It gives a gentle feeling, a feeling of nature of a land mostly untouched by human hands, a primary forest, which is so impossibly rare in Singapore. In this beauty I see God's magnificent hand in it all, every leaf and branch, every root and shrub, has come into existence because of God's marvelous and infinite creativity. And at this point, He has made me to appreciate and enjoy its beauty. This is why heaven will never be boring, because in the infinite, there will be infinite time to marvel and enjoy the infinite things God will show us. || posted by Kuan Hui