"Tuesday, May 27, 2014

What is love? No, not the song by Haddaway.

The silence of the night provokes lots of thoughts in my head. Love is selfless, love is unselfish, love is kind, love is patient. Yet we are incapable of perfect love. Right at this juncture I still realise there's someone I love, very dearly in fact, even though I've been dealt the largest pain by her. I do not hate, I do not feel angry, but yet this love is incomplete, because I still envy, and it makes me worry, furrow, and be impatient (over nothing).

Yet, looking at the life of Jesus, I cannot but marvel at His love for everyone in the world; past, present, future. A love so perfect and unselfish and complete, and not just on one individual, but on the ENTIRE human race. Yet here I am, incapable of even perfect love on ONE person.

I am so undeserving of anything. Not her, not God's love. And yet grace is given unselfishly to us. I really need to lean on God more, as I feel so helpless and tiny amongst the infinite that God is, that I cannot even do one simple thing right, but instead I am feeling emo, worrying, unhappy over nothing."

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Twenty three months ago I penned down this thought of mine on God's love. Today's pensive mood draws out a continuation to the gestations of what brewed in my mind almost two years back. Maybe this thought has reached maturity, but I think God will yet reveal deeper understandings of the meaning of love.

Two years ago I was recovering from a broken heart, a romantic love lost. I gave a lot, and it was a tough time for me. One week ago, that same her now has a ring on her finger. A beautiful engagement band with a square-set diamond surrounded by a series of tinier glimmering diamonds meant to accentuate the beauty of the centrepiece. Surely it would have costed a fair fortune. My first reaction was of shock. First a neutral "Wow it happened!" meant to remind myself that somehow, I am no little child anymore. Second, a pleasant feeling of elation and excitement for a friend (whom I had once loved) who has received one of the biggest forms of happiness in her life. And last, a dull pain emanating from the bowels of my body. Ah, it was that old love surging once again, reminiscing bygone times and emotions, showing that I still cared for her, somewhat, on a deeper level. They say you never really get over those you really love, and experiencing it first-hand made it all the more unbelievable. It was a very unique and strange emotion to feel, and it was something that many experience, but perhaps only a handful of times in their lives.

So that brings me back to the topic of love. Love has lived within my heart, dormant but present. This love is imperfect, as I have written down two years ago. But God's love isn't! His love is perfect, and He gave Himself for the entire human race, breaking the deepest bond that Father and Son shared from eternity past, to redeem me. And today I know because He has saved me, that I have been graciously given the chance to know thankfulness, to show thankfulness, and to act out thankfulness. It is because His love has transformed my heart, that I am now also capable of that perfect love which Jesus has. That agape that Christ has in unlimited amounts I now have because He lives in me.

Agape is patient, agape is kind, agape does not envy, nor is puffed up. Agape is not rude, nor seeks its own benefit. Agape is not provoked, and thinks no evil. Agape rejoices in the truth and bears all, believes all, hopes all, and endures all.

As I sit here typing these out, I know that with God, I am capable of perfect love, because He has given me this greatest gift. It is with walking with Him closer day by day that I grow this wonderful love that I possess thanks to Him. So what can I do, but pray for a closer walk with God, O for a closer walk with God. || posted by Kuan Hui