As I was considering the possibility of going overseas for an international stint (albeit a relatively short one of 6-9 months), a sense of unease went through me. I felt that I should not go because I had responsibilities in the church. I felt that I had to serve the church and serve God. I felt a little guilty that I could just drop what I had and go overseas. That was a couple of weeks back.

Since then, I was shown, in ways more than one, the balance between responsibility, drawing close to God, and freedom in Christ. Christianity at its heart, is love. God's love for His Son, His people, His creation, and how that very same love, is passed unto us when we become Christians through the enabling power of the Holy Spirit. This love is an act of liberation, a freedom from sin, and freedom from the law. As Christians, we are free to do all that we want, as long as what we do isn't sin. It's shown in Galatians 5, that is, in every thing we do (think), we do it for the glory of God, because we love Him with all our heart, body, mind, soul, and because we love our neighbours as ourselves.

When I felt guilty, I realised I was serving for the sake of serving. I am enthusiastic in helping and serving, and I desire to serve for good, and for God, but yet this service has become a little of an obligation, a necessity, a rule set by myself to uphold what is right. Enough of it doesn't come truly from a pure heart of love and willingness, and it frighteningly reminds me of Christ's evaluation of the Church at Ephesus, which had lost its first love (Revelation 2:1-5). What a severe warning Christ had for the church in verse 5, one which reflects starkly my own thoughts and actions.

With that realisation from God, I knew that I had to pray very specifically for His direction and permission, and for me to serve out of the bowels of my heart, and not lose that first love I had for Him when I first went back to Him a little over two years ago. And truth be told, this revelation has been a grace for me, for it has lifted a large burden in my heart, a burden of responsibility without the driving force of love. It has shown me where I have lacked, and where I should return to seek God in His wonderful love.

My responsibilities are not diminished, I still will serve, not with obligation but with love. I will still attend as many worship services as I can, because I know God has told me to keep the Sabbath holy in His 4th commandment, but with love and joy will I keep it. I will keep on praying for strength and wisdom, and reading His word daily, because that is my source of strength and supplement, that gives me spiritual life, and that nourishes me and strengthens me for the days I don't have the opportunity to go to church (on Sundays or if I go overseas). Thank God, blessed be His name. || posted by Kuan Hui